Upke: A Grateful Goodbye To My Longest Relationship 8

Tomorrow is the day I was afraid of thirteen years ago. I knew that it would come and it nearly was the reason to decide against taking a pet. The reason to decide otherwise was that I always said that you shouldn’t mourn for the loss, but be grateful for the time you’ve had. However logical that sounds, it’s kind of weird and it feels inconvenient knowing that her day has come while she is downstairs

eating one of her last meals. I feel kind of guilty when she rubs her head against my hand when I pet her. Maybe it’s because I know that she is going to die tomorrow and she don’t. On the picture below you see a picture of my cat Upke. It was taken a year ago. She already had cancer then but she was wild and everything what a cat is supposed to be. So I decided not to sleep her in. Now it’s unavoidable.

First I thought about taking a final picture of her. But I can’t do this because this picture would always remember me on what is going to happen tomorrow. Gosh, I don’t like tomorrow. I can remember losing her sister Dupke 4 years ago. It was very sad.

Maybe it would be much easier if she was the cat of somebody else. But it’s not that easy. She’s the longest relationship I ever had, though it was like we lived along each other under the same roof. Sometimes it was annoying. She and her sister damaged things so now and then. The most expensive damage was when once one of them vomited into my television. In the end it didn’t matter.

I can’t remember who gave the advice not to write about your pet on your blog. Anyway I want to make Upke a part of the heart of this blog as she is a part of my heart. Maybe this all sounds like nonsense, but in the end nothing matters, except love.

I love you, Upke.

Bless you all!

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8 thoughts on “Upke: A Grateful Goodbye To My Longest Relationship

  • Tanya

    Oh Mario… I’m terribly sorry for you. I do understand what u’re feeling ’cause I’ve had to do the same with a dog, 2 years ago. He was a cocker spaniel and he was suffering from leishmaniosis and, I don’t know in ur place, but in Brazil, we are obligated to put them to sleep in these cases.
    Hope God may assists you and make u stronger to handle with the situation. It’ll hurts, you’ll cry and u’ll never forget it, but Time will calm down these feelings. I’m sure.

    wish u peace!!

  • Ilaria/Swimturtle

    Dear Mario, just this morning as I was feeding Pasticca (my cat of now almost 22 years!!!!) I was thinking of the terrible day that will one day come. I have been thinking of your dear little Upke and I know that you have thought about this long and hard, and have chosen what will ultimately give Upke peace and allow her to rest finally, without pain and suffering.
    It is so hard to know when the “right” time has come to put a cat to sleep, and of course there never really is a right time. But in the end my reasoning is that when a cat is no longer able to be a cat, then the quality of their life is not good enough to want to live.
    Cats are sometimes very good at telling us they are ready. Usually the stop eating. The fact that Upke is still eating has made this decision very hard, but I know that her disease is ravaging her body and you know in your heart that the time has come.
    I wish you peace in this very hard time, and I send you all my love, and comfort, and also to little Upke.
    With bigger hugs than usual, my dear friend and brother!

    • Mario Post author

      She just slept in in my arms. The vet told me that it was the right thing to do, what makes it more bearable but not easier. He also told me that she ate that eager through the last two weeks because the tumors consumed a large amount of her energy.

      Hugs to you too, my dear sister!

  • Miryam Stenger

    Mario, I feel for you. As an avid cat lover and owner myself (currently have 4) I have watched my own cats leave me too when their time was ready. Only in February this year did I have to say goodbye to Lucky (17) who was too frail to move house with me. Unfortunately, another old cat, Gizmo, who did move house with me disappeared 3 weeks later… never to return. When I take the dog out for a walk late at night I still call out “Gizzy” in the hope that perhaps he is still alive, close by, and will answer me back as he used to with his distinctive loud voice. Not knowing what has become of Gizmo still upsets me to this day.

    You will get over grieving for Upke eventually, and the pleasant memories will stay with you forever.

    • Mario Post author

      Miryam, thank you for sharing this with us. When I was a young boy I lost a cat the same way like you. Not knowing where she was and how she was doing was even much more unbearable.

      Just two days ago I had this conversation with Ilaria where we both thought about the noises you are going to miss. Now I have sometime this weird thing that I hear her jumping from the table downstairs a.s.o. knowing that this isn’t true, that it’s just imagination. This is a in one way or the other something that is over time programmed in the mind, I think.

  • ZuzannaM

    Mario, sorry to hear about your four legged friend.
    It is not easy to loose a friend. It does not matter if it is dog or a cat.
    The attachment we have to our devoted furry friends
    it is unconditional love forever. Take a comfort that she rests in an Animal heaven.

    Best wishes,